If you read the title, you might be thinking:
1) FINALLY!
2) What kind of therapy, Brent?
3) Dude is getting weird...
And it doesn't really matter what you're thinking I suppose...it just matters what kind of pain I'm in. And boy, is therapy tough. I don't really think I like it even, but it is supposed to make me healthier and I want that.
Us ninjas have it rough.
26.9.07
20.9.07
Big Pillow
Are you a Scrubs fan?
I've been watching this show (from Season one through the middle of season 4 now) on DVD and have been surprised with the bold qualities given to the characters, even their relationships with one another. They are so often stark contrasts to one another, reminding me that this is indeed a TV show (and these personalities would never "work" in real life), yet at the same time, alluding to the quirkiness and unbelievable nature of our realities. I really enjoy the balance of comedy and drama on the show.
Well, I bring this up because there are alot of obstinate personalities on Scrubs and it seems that the best way to have those personalities interact on a TV show is to provide them with "pillows" that they can pound on episode to episode. JD is a pillow and so is Elliot. Ted is the ultimate pillow. These softies get punched and poked and kicked and generally mistreated and then go on. They may complain a little and every once and awhile receive some genuine compassion, but mostly, they just take it. I've been shocked lately to realize I am mostly pillow too.
I've always been a "strong" personality. I still am for the most part, but dealing with teens on a regular basis has pillowized me I believe. I don't like to get mad, or especially yell. I can be firm, but repetitious scolding is more annoying to me than to the scolded I've observed. So, eventually I pillow out and just take it.
Pillows cannot discipline. They can't really lead. They can't motivate others. They're just soft; easy to push and prod. I know that teens don't need pillows as leaders, they need rocks. Firm, solid, consistent. So why is being a pillow easier? Cause it allows you to put the blame on everyone else and their misbehavior, not on your inability to lead. So if I know that, where's the rock I used to be?
I've been watching this show (from Season one through the middle of season 4 now) on DVD and have been surprised with the bold qualities given to the characters, even their relationships with one another. They are so often stark contrasts to one another, reminding me that this is indeed a TV show (and these personalities would never "work" in real life), yet at the same time, alluding to the quirkiness and unbelievable nature of our realities. I really enjoy the balance of comedy and drama on the show.
Well, I bring this up because there are alot of obstinate personalities on Scrubs and it seems that the best way to have those personalities interact on a TV show is to provide them with "pillows" that they can pound on episode to episode. JD is a pillow and so is Elliot. Ted is the ultimate pillow. These softies get punched and poked and kicked and generally mistreated and then go on. They may complain a little and every once and awhile receive some genuine compassion, but mostly, they just take it. I've been shocked lately to realize I am mostly pillow too.
I've always been a "strong" personality. I still am for the most part, but dealing with teens on a regular basis has pillowized me I believe. I don't like to get mad, or especially yell. I can be firm, but repetitious scolding is more annoying to me than to the scolded I've observed. So, eventually I pillow out and just take it.
Pillows cannot discipline. They can't really lead. They can't motivate others. They're just soft; easy to push and prod. I know that teens don't need pillows as leaders, they need rocks. Firm, solid, consistent. So why is being a pillow easier? Cause it allows you to put the blame on everyone else and their misbehavior, not on your inability to lead. So if I know that, where's the rock I used to be?
13.9.07
Madness
As Ashley so subtly points out (comments here) I have let another month slip away. Ahh the bravado of youth, moved to motion by the stream of loss yet never making progress against the current of dispair. Sigh. I will miss you 08.07.
Ok, so I figure that stream of posting has certainly run its course (if it ever had a course to begin with). Sorry about that :)
Now, life this last year has been different from what I was expecting. I've ended up with a couple of internet habits that have drained the online time resevoir that I own (eBay and Heroclix, not porn, thank you). You see, I believe that everyone of us has a storage of allowable internet reading/surfing time and that amount varies significantly for each of us. Just as a world-class marathon runner can dip into his willpower and keep going for much longer than any of us could imagine, some people have that willpower accessible to prolong their internet time. I do not have this gift. My time is finite and when it gets used up, I can't do anymore (away from me foul computer!!). So my blogging has been the casualty of other interests. As much as I attempt to remedy this, it is an inevitable battle, destined for defeat...
Which brings up the concept of priorities.
pri·or·i·ty /praɪˈɔrɪti, -ˈɒr-/[prahy-awr-i-tee]
1. the state or quality of being earlier in time, occurrence, etc.
2. the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence.
3. the right to take precedence in obtaining certain supplies, services, facilities, etc., esp. during a shortage.
4. something given special attention. –adjective
5. highest or higher in importance, rank, privilege, etc.: a priority task.
You know, I don't think that many people in this world understand the concept and how it makes bold statements about their lives (mine included). You see, I'm a youth pastor and I'm proposing a change of date for the youth night (from a Friday to a Tuesday) and have been riddled with opinion about why Tuesdays are bad. Now, some of the reasons are legitimate and important while other reasons are mere excuses or poor assumptions, but all of them reflect priorities. For example, if you can't make it to youth because you have dance, that's a perfectly justified reason and it reflects that dance is more important to you than youth group on Tuesdays, because that's what you would choose. You can make the choice to be involved in all kinds of additional youth things (special events, small groups, Friday service, etc) in the absence of Tuesdays. You would still be involved and maybe would grow to prioritze Tuesday youth over dance in the future, but maybe not. Either way, there are choices to be made and each and every one of us reveals our priorities in these choices.
I really believe that I understand the concept of priority...and then I think about my life and realize what I reveal about what is important to me....
I never call my friends. I seem content to hermit myself and do my own thing most of the time. Is that a quality priority?
I rarely talk to my family. I do make sure to see them when I can (getting to family weddings, home for Christmas, etc), but their day to day lives are a mystery to me. Is that a quality priority?
I have read hundreds of comic books this month and barely read my Bible. Is that a quality priority?
I see myself as an equipper and trainer of leaders and haven't recruited a solid group of leaders to train since the DOC days. Is that a quality priority?
I could go on, and I think if you take the time to look at your life, so could you.
This isn't about judgement and sad feelings and making decisions to change the world because I now know these areas in my life are weaknesses and reflect poor choices...lack of priority. It IS about accountability: something that is lacking in many of our lives. Being accountable to people who have permission to challenge you about your priorities and what you're choosing will make a world of difference! Bringing up these choices on a regular basis and shooting light into areas of darkness (where you're blind to see what's really going on)...that could help alot.
What do you think?
Ok, so I figure that stream of posting has certainly run its course (if it ever had a course to begin with). Sorry about that :)
Now, life this last year has been different from what I was expecting. I've ended up with a couple of internet habits that have drained the online time resevoir that I own (eBay and Heroclix, not porn, thank you). You see, I believe that everyone of us has a storage of allowable internet reading/surfing time and that amount varies significantly for each of us. Just as a world-class marathon runner can dip into his willpower and keep going for much longer than any of us could imagine, some people have that willpower accessible to prolong their internet time. I do not have this gift. My time is finite and when it gets used up, I can't do anymore (away from me foul computer!!). So my blogging has been the casualty of other interests. As much as I attempt to remedy this, it is an inevitable battle, destined for defeat...
Which brings up the concept of priorities.
pri·or·i·ty /praɪˈɔrɪti, -ˈɒr-/[prahy-awr-i-tee]
1. the state or quality of being earlier in time, occurrence, etc.
2. the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence.
3. the right to take precedence in obtaining certain supplies, services, facilities, etc., esp. during a shortage.
4. something given special attention. –adjective
5. highest or higher in importance, rank, privilege, etc.: a priority task.
You know, I don't think that many people in this world understand the concept and how it makes bold statements about their lives (mine included). You see, I'm a youth pastor and I'm proposing a change of date for the youth night (from a Friday to a Tuesday) and have been riddled with opinion about why Tuesdays are bad. Now, some of the reasons are legitimate and important while other reasons are mere excuses or poor assumptions, but all of them reflect priorities. For example, if you can't make it to youth because you have dance, that's a perfectly justified reason and it reflects that dance is more important to you than youth group on Tuesdays, because that's what you would choose. You can make the choice to be involved in all kinds of additional youth things (special events, small groups, Friday service, etc) in the absence of Tuesdays. You would still be involved and maybe would grow to prioritze Tuesday youth over dance in the future, but maybe not. Either way, there are choices to be made and each and every one of us reveals our priorities in these choices.
I really believe that I understand the concept of priority...and then I think about my life and realize what I reveal about what is important to me....
I never call my friends. I seem content to hermit myself and do my own thing most of the time. Is that a quality priority?
I rarely talk to my family. I do make sure to see them when I can (getting to family weddings, home for Christmas, etc), but their day to day lives are a mystery to me. Is that a quality priority?
I have read hundreds of comic books this month and barely read my Bible. Is that a quality priority?
I see myself as an equipper and trainer of leaders and haven't recruited a solid group of leaders to train since the DOC days. Is that a quality priority?
I could go on, and I think if you take the time to look at your life, so could you.
This isn't about judgement and sad feelings and making decisions to change the world because I now know these areas in my life are weaknesses and reflect poor choices...lack of priority. It IS about accountability: something that is lacking in many of our lives. Being accountable to people who have permission to challenge you about your priorities and what you're choosing will make a world of difference! Bringing up these choices on a regular basis and shooting light into areas of darkness (where you're blind to see what's really going on)...that could help alot.
What do you think?
3.7.07
In Memorium
Well, I missed the chance to score again (get your mind out of the gutter!). Sigh.
Another flame out instead of a fireball.
It's really a shame.
And as long as this blog exists, I'll have the reminder of this futility staring back at me from the right-hand column...
I've missed another month.
June has come and gone with nary a posting from yours truly.
"06.07" will never reside in my archives list and I am saddened by this injustice.
The only way to overcome this loss is to move on and honor my fallen comrade by ensuring that I never let this happen again!! NEVER!! Never.
I'll never understand why it seems to take a tragedy of such proportions to stir us to movement.
Lift your glasses people! TO 06.07! May he rest in peace.
Another flame out instead of a fireball.
It's really a shame.
And as long as this blog exists, I'll have the reminder of this futility staring back at me from the right-hand column...
I've missed another month.
June has come and gone with nary a posting from yours truly.
"06.07" will never reside in my archives list and I am saddened by this injustice.
The only way to overcome this loss is to move on and honor my fallen comrade by ensuring that I never let this happen again!! NEVER!! Never.
I'll never understand why it seems to take a tragedy of such proportions to stir us to movement.
Lift your glasses people! TO 06.07! May he rest in peace.
24.5.07
This is why I'm hot...
I'm genuinely excited about this!!
Ok, ok, this is why I'm not. But I still can't wait to read it!
22.5.07
Priorities
Wow. I mentioned last time that I've purchased a home and that my wife and I are embarking on the great, steep learning curve that is ownership! Well, we've yet to make a mortgage payment (first one due in a week) and are wondering how this is going to change our lives...
There are some requisites when you buy a home that didn't seem so important as renters. For example, furniture. Our furniture is ugly. It looks even more ugly in a nice looking place! Now, don't get me wrong, our last home was great, but it was a basement suite. Though it had good natural light for a basement suite, it simply doesn't compare to a fourth floor apartment... so we're upgrading the furniture to this lovely couch and loveseat. Now we're just waiting (they don't arrive until July!):
Ok, then there are less frivilous things like TVs (we must get a plasma or LCD screen soon - we'll see) - oh yeah, that's really frivolous... wait.... like a vacuum cleaner! That's not frivolous at all! In fact, our carpet is crying out to us, even now! Now, I know what you're thinking... Brent's been living on his own for more than 10 years, why doesn't he have a vacuum cleaner? Well, the answer to that is that I've always lived somewhere where there already was one in place, or it was unnecesary, like our tile-floored basement suite. So there. And now Alex and I have been searching for this tool and wondering what we should get. I ordered this yesterday:
If you'd like to learn more about our fabulous Dyson DC18 bagless upright vacuum cleaner, including a wonderful 360 degree picture of it and some "movies" of its fine features, click here.
Anyhow, then there are the "hidden" costs. Things that you'd never really think about if you've never bought a house before... like the GST (on a house! think about it!!!), though this only applies to new homes. Like the property transfer tax (a ridiculous tax instituted by our provincial government - 2% on the first $100K and 1% thereafter - do the math, it adds up), though we were able to get out of this one as 1st time buyers. Like the legal fees (probably over $1000 for almost anyone), the home insurance ($100s of dollars each year), your assumed portion of the hydro/water/etc bills, and some more. My favorite is that you pay property taxes in the middle of the year for the whole year. So we moved in May 1st and the taxes are billed mid-May for 2007. Lucky us! Either way you shake it, you're paying for the property taxes, so it'd come up anyhow, but yeah, good times (another $1000+)!
Needless to say, there are still more costs rolling in and Alex and I keep wondering what the end result of all this will be...we're glad to own finally and willing to take on this responsibility but wow. Just wow. I don't want to think about kids just yet :)
Be blessed!
There are some requisites when you buy a home that didn't seem so important as renters. For example, furniture. Our furniture is ugly. It looks even more ugly in a nice looking place! Now, don't get me wrong, our last home was great, but it was a basement suite. Though it had good natural light for a basement suite, it simply doesn't compare to a fourth floor apartment... so we're upgrading the furniture to this lovely couch and loveseat. Now we're just waiting (they don't arrive until July!):
Ok, then there are less frivilous things like TVs (we must get a plasma or LCD screen soon - we'll see) - oh yeah, that's really frivolous... wait.... like a vacuum cleaner! That's not frivolous at all! In fact, our carpet is crying out to us, even now! Now, I know what you're thinking... Brent's been living on his own for more than 10 years, why doesn't he have a vacuum cleaner? Well, the answer to that is that I've always lived somewhere where there already was one in place, or it was unnecesary, like our tile-floored basement suite. So there. And now Alex and I have been searching for this tool and wondering what we should get. I ordered this yesterday:
If you'd like to learn more about our fabulous Dyson DC18 bagless upright vacuum cleaner, including a wonderful 360 degree picture of it and some "movies" of its fine features, click here.
Anyhow, then there are the "hidden" costs. Things that you'd never really think about if you've never bought a house before... like the GST (on a house! think about it!!!), though this only applies to new homes. Like the property transfer tax (a ridiculous tax instituted by our provincial government - 2% on the first $100K and 1% thereafter - do the math, it adds up), though we were able to get out of this one as 1st time buyers. Like the legal fees (probably over $1000 for almost anyone), the home insurance ($100s of dollars each year), your assumed portion of the hydro/water/etc bills, and some more. My favorite is that you pay property taxes in the middle of the year for the whole year. So we moved in May 1st and the taxes are billed mid-May for 2007. Lucky us! Either way you shake it, you're paying for the property taxes, so it'd come up anyhow, but yeah, good times (another $1000+)!
Needless to say, there are still more costs rolling in and Alex and I keep wondering what the end result of all this will be...we're glad to own finally and willing to take on this responsibility but wow. Just wow. I don't want to think about kids just yet :)
Be blessed!
12.5.07
Missing months
So sad that another month will be missing in my archives list...sigh. Oh well!
Some big news on the Snitchy-Switchy front: my wife and I purchased a condominium dwelling unit for our very selves. That's been keeping me pretty busy, along with work and all. Moving is harsh man...
But now I am an official Langlian, or Langley-ite, or Langleyer I guess. Whatever I am, my address has changed and that's that. The drive to work is blissful and kind. The view from the balcony is serene. The drug addict in the bushes across the street shooting up heroin is dropping my property values... (sad but true). Though I don't really care, about the property values I mean... mostly.
Much change in life right now. It's good. It's good.
Be blessed!
Some big news on the Snitchy-Switchy front: my wife and I purchased a condominium dwelling unit for our very selves. That's been keeping me pretty busy, along with work and all. Moving is harsh man...
But now I am an official Langlian, or Langley-ite, or Langleyer I guess. Whatever I am, my address has changed and that's that. The drive to work is blissful and kind. The view from the balcony is serene. The drug addict in the bushes across the street shooting up heroin is dropping my property values... (sad but true). Though I don't really care, about the property values I mean... mostly.
Much change in life right now. It's good. It's good.
Be blessed!
28.3.07
Canadian Youth Workers Conference 2007 promo
This tugged at my heart strings...I'm going: how about you?
11.3.07
So easy to get lost
One of the great stories that gets told at family gatherings involved yours truly and the much-heralded tourist trap known as the Vancouver Aquarium. I really can't recall how old I was, though I must have been quite young since I don't actively remember it...only by its retelling do I even know it happened. Although the possibility of memory blockage is there too, considering that 64% of the time I involuntarily wet my pants when my dad gets to the part with the Beluga whales....
I have always been a brash, confident male (I had to say male, because I'm no longer a boy and I haven't always been a man...and no, Andrew, I wouldn't say that some would argue that I'm still not a man, thank you) and though my mouth has always been big and my stride long, getting lost was (and is) scary to me.
That day at the aquarium, I lost my parents. They tell the story in such a way that insists that they never lost sight of me, but I have always questioned that claim. Oh sure, it's fun to laugh now, probably twenty years later, but they never stop to wonder why 64% of the time, when everyone's laughing, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom (I've learned to slow the pants-peeing to a mere trickle over the years, barely noticable and alieviated by a visit to the WC)! The mental anguish is excrutiating!
I cried and cried that day until they finally "found" me. No damage done (they think...excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom....
....ok, I'm back).
As an adult, I'm not scared of getting lost physically. I've got a great sense of direction and enough knowledge (wilderness and/or driving, depending on the type of lost) to get myself out of anywhere I've ever been. No, getting lost is much more about emotions and personality now. Losing who I am and who I need to be...that's scary to me.
Over the years, I know I've lost pieces of myself and I would venture to guess that some of them have never been found (that could be good, could be bad). But I also know that when I finally realize I'm lost, I still cry and cry, just like I did that day long ago in Vancouver Aquarium...waiting....hoping...for daddy to find me and tell me I'm safe...
When kids get lost, the best advice is always to tell them to stay put, don't move and wait. I've been lost for awhile now, staying put and waiting...hoping...
I think I've only just been found. Hallelujah
I have always been a brash, confident male (I had to say male, because I'm no longer a boy and I haven't always been a man...and no, Andrew, I wouldn't say that some would argue that I'm still not a man, thank you) and though my mouth has always been big and my stride long, getting lost was (and is) scary to me.
That day at the aquarium, I lost my parents. They tell the story in such a way that insists that they never lost sight of me, but I have always questioned that claim. Oh sure, it's fun to laugh now, probably twenty years later, but they never stop to wonder why 64% of the time, when everyone's laughing, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom (I've learned to slow the pants-peeing to a mere trickle over the years, barely noticable and alieviated by a visit to the WC)! The mental anguish is excrutiating!
I cried and cried that day until they finally "found" me. No damage done (they think...excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom....
....ok, I'm back).
As an adult, I'm not scared of getting lost physically. I've got a great sense of direction and enough knowledge (wilderness and/or driving, depending on the type of lost) to get myself out of anywhere I've ever been. No, getting lost is much more about emotions and personality now. Losing who I am and who I need to be...that's scary to me.
Over the years, I know I've lost pieces of myself and I would venture to guess that some of them have never been found (that could be good, could be bad). But I also know that when I finally realize I'm lost, I still cry and cry, just like I did that day long ago in Vancouver Aquarium...waiting....hoping...for daddy to find me and tell me I'm safe...
When kids get lost, the best advice is always to tell them to stay put, don't move and wait. I've been lost for awhile now, staying put and waiting...hoping...
I think I've only just been found. Hallelujah
7.3.07
...and knowing is half the battle!
Well, some have asked about the 12 toes...no comment. (It hurts to think about all the childhood torture...kids can be so cruel!)
Also, I mentioned a new blog. I have not received clearance to reveal its location: it is available on a need-to-know basis only. If you find it, DO NOT TELL ANYONE. To do so is to put yourself, your family, your pets and all you hold sacred at risk. This comes down from on high people! WAAAAY up the food chain. Don't mess with them, beeeeelieeeve me.
Love you all much. Be blessed!
Also, I mentioned a new blog. I have not received clearance to reveal its location: it is available on a need-to-know basis only. If you find it, DO NOT TELL ANYONE. To do so is to put yourself, your family, your pets and all you hold sacred at risk. This comes down from on high people! WAAAAY up the food chain. Don't mess with them, beeeeelieeeve me.
Love you all much. Be blessed!
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